Monday 7 November 2011

7. Dante Alighieri

Dante: Now showing nobody around nowhere in nothingness!
Dante (1265–1321), was, according to our trusty Wikipedia...

'Italy's most famous poet, prose writer, literary theorist, moral philosopher, and political thinker. He is best known for the monumental epic poem La commedia, later named La divina commedia (The Divine Comedy). His Divine Comedy, originally called Commedia and later called Divina by Boccaccio, is considered the greatest literary work composed in the Italian language and a masterpiece of world literature.'
Nowhere are the idiocies of the Pope-worshipping, idol-gazing, touchy-feely-relic hunters - the Romany Catholics - more evident than in the work of this sad philistine from Italy.  This so-called 'poet' takes us through a tour of Hell, Purgatory and then, yes, last of all, Heaven, of all places, where he gets to meet up with his lost love, Beatrice, and live happily forever with the sky fairy in the sky. Aww...isn't that nice!? Well, we hope your faith brings you some kind of comfort you crutch dependent sociopaths! We don't need faith! We've got humanism and its based on science, unlike your antiquated circus performers in the Vatican! Here at SFMBCs, we can think of only one book in which such gigantic monstrosities of the spiritual are taken as seriously as this Italian kiddie-fiddler sympathiser - the Bible!

Well done, Dante, you crazed Italian buffoon! So long, with your A-Z map of the afterlife! No good to you now, is it mate! Where are you now, eh?! Nowhere! Showing nobody around nowhere in the abyss of nothingness! Life is not a rehearsal, poet boy. You only get one shot! You lost your love! So what! Grow up and get yourself another wife and have as much fun as you can in this life, because there ain't nothing afterwards, lover boy, but a black room of black non-existence in which you feel nothing because you don't exist! Hard luck, Romeo! Instead of writing one of the most compelling pieces of poetry in the history of the entire World you should have been analysing the data, which you never found, because there is none, because there is no tooth fairy, cretin! We know about you Romany Catholics and no, frankly, we don't want a sprig of heather!

Thanks Dante, for the vaguely interesting poetry, but we'll pass on your dramatic religious outpourings of infantile Catholic dogma! Take your afterlife SatNav, turn right after the next 200 yards down nothing street, walk into nothing house, in nothing street, in nothing town, in your nothing world of the afterlife and stare into nothingness for, er, the opposite of eternity, because there is no such thing as eternity, you ridiculous, brainwashed, backward Italian genius!

2 comments:

  1. You're missing the point of history. Dante is brilliant, and the Commedia is more about his literary imagination than it is about his belief system. He is concerned largely with undermining the corruption of the papacy and the Church, and in fact aligns himself with the virtuous pagans of antiquity like Virgil and Statius. You are completely. missing. the point. (as well as his genius). How can you say he is analyzing the data wrong? He lived in the 13th/14th century, was in political exile, and didn't have scientific evidence for much else, just like everyone else during the Middle Ages. If you continue to approach the world and historical figures through this particular brand of atheism, in which you misread all of the people in history who have been religious, you will get nowhere, and you certainly can't call yourself a Humanist.

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